Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
