??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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