i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think your dad took our porno
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
