You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just made my gag reflex go away.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
