She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
