We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
