also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
