i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
