tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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