he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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