I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
