p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
