my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
