You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
