woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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