Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
