The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
