Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
