Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so let's talk penis.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
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Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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