I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
