I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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