thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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