Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
