How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
