uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
