I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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