So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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