I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
