either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
