It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
