Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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