I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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