With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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