He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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