took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
