She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
