He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
