My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
