i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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