blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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