But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
