Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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