It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
