Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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