According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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