Girls should come with a carfax report
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
PANTIES FOUND
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