I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
