That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
