i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
