i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
