Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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