Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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