I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
