My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
