i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
