and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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