dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
