I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
