Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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