k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
