Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
