Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
