I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
