I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dignity is for republicans.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
