My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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