Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
