PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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