if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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