You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
