You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
