yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
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OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
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Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My life is pants optional.
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