Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
