I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
