false alarm. still invincible.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
