Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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