I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
