i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
and she was petting her beer can
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
