My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
