He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
